it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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