You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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