I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He passed out mid-signature
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
