woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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