what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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