And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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