i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
