You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
