I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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