I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
