you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
