Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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