I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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