I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
