the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
