You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
