Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
