I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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