Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
