Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
