You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
