whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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