The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
