I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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