dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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