What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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