sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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