What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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