so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
