my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
