Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
