Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My life is pants optional.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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