i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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