I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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