I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
