everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
