Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
