i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
