I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
