I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
