Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
