Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
