the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
