oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
