OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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