She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
