Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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