I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
