It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
