There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
