I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
