two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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