Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ladies don't puke and tell
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
