Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
